What's with his homies dissing my girl?

10 points if you know what song that's from!

Anyways I feel like writing another random blog.

So this coming school year feels like it's going to be really good and it should be because it's my senior year. I don't want no stupid friend drama or stupid boy drama. I just wanna get good grades, have some fun, and create memories to tell to my children one day.

Basically, fuck all you stupid people who try to ruin other people's happiness. I simply don't have time for your bullshit this year.

And I'm going to stop holding back on my personality because I can't please everyone & a little rejection isn't going to kill me. In fact, it'll only make me a stronger person.

Another thing I want to do by the end of this year is to tie up all my loose ends before I leave PSL behind. Throughout this year I'll probably confront several people random things I have to say them. I don't want to have any what if's by the time I graduate.

So this year is gonna be all about taking some risks & making mistakes because it's better to fuck up now while I still have a safety net to catch me when I fall.

XoxoX, Jenn♥

=^-_-^= it's a cat

Guys are fricking weird; I doubt I'll ever totally comprehend them.

I bet guys feel the same way about girls.

I'm just one of vast majority of teenagers who think they're totally unique and the only one to experience what their going through. However the truth of the matter is I'm not as misunderstood as I'd like to imagine.

95% of the stuff that happens in your life is consequence of your actions. The other 5% is stuff that drives your actions. You make your own destiny.

I'm going to be "ready" for the real world this time next year according to a pretty sheet of paper. I have no idea of what I want and whether or not I'm capable of sustaining myself.

Sometimes I don't realize I still have some last vestiges of seeing the world through rose tinted glasses so when they're shattered I'm totally discouraged.

But I also need to realize without these little bits of hope I'd become a miserable old curmudgeon. <---- EPIC WORD!!!

That's it for now.

xoxox, Jenn♥

Jennifer's very own BUCKET LIST!

In light of recent events I've realized life is very fleeting and anyone can go at anytime. And while this is very terrifying to think about this is all the more reason to live life to the fullest extent and not sit on your ass and bitch about how life sucks.

So here's my list:

• See one of my favorite bands in concert
• Do marching band in college
• Travel the US
• Become a band director
• Learn how to shoot a gun/cross bow
• Do a zombie walk
• Partake in the Running of the Bulls
• Make a YouTube video
• Get into my first choice college
• Fall in love
• Speak another language fluently
• Have a penpal
• Become an environmental scientist
• See a show on Broadway
• Be an extra in a movie
• Invent something
• Learn how to knit/crochet
• Cook/bake something from scratch out of a cookbook
• Learn to play bass guitar
• Become a psychologist
• Have someone I know (or used to know) become famous
• Meet one of my favorite bands
• Have 5000 songs on my iPod
• Go camping
• Have a road trip
• Learn computer programming
• Learn to play the drums
• Play Guitar Hero on expert
• Sneak on to the roof of a public building
• Travel the world
• Go to Warped Tour
• Join a band
• Partake in the Tomatina
• Be in a orchestra for a movie score
• Write a book
• Go to space (Or float like I'm in space)
  

That's in for now. I'll add more later.
And eventually cross some off.

Stolen from Alyssa.
RIP Johny Mejias

XoxoX, Jenn♥

Musings

These are just a small portion of the stuff I think about so yeah...
Here we go:

Because I have no epic scars (except from this one scar I have on my knee) I feel like I haven't led a exciting life or that my childhood was terribly boring. I wish I did more as a kid because I don't really have the chance to do it now. I now have 2 cuts on my hand from my rabbit and I'm really hoping they scar so I'll have a story to tell.
(Of course I don't mean self inflicted scars; that shit ain't cool.)

Sometimes I worry that all my friends hate me and that they only just barely tolerate my existence.

I plan to give all my children these badass epic names but I worry that they'll hate them and that they'll get made fun of by someone's douchebag children. Right now I'm really feeling Adelaide (for a girl) and Yves (for a boy). Shut the fuck up, I'll name my kids whatever name I feel like.

I feel so proud of myself when I do my homework right after school. It's like I can just feel my grades rising. I'm pretty much a hardcore nerd, I just don't have the grades to back it up.

I don't think I'm very nice person and I don't really know how to go about changing that. I wish I was nicer and more loving to the people close to me. I don't want to push them all away. I should really stop taking them for granted.

I feel like I'm corrupting someone when I cuss around someone who doesn't. I don't want them to think less of me for it. But then again if they do then that's rather condescending, don't you think?

That's all for now.

XoxoX, Jenn♥

In which Jennifer gets her shit together.

So I'm blogging again. Yay!

I've been feeling really hopeful lately and I don't know why but I like it.
It's a nice change from constant self inflicted cynicism & pessimism.

It makes me want to be nice to people and do random acts of kindness.
It's weird because nothing in my life has really changed.

I guess my outlook on life has just changed is all.
My personality hasn't really changed though, it's more like I'm just taking everything in stride now.

Like there's no need to sit here and freak out and be sad & regret stupid things because the world waits for no one. I'll never know when I'm going to die so why waste the time I do have?

Especially the time I have as a teenager. It's supposed to be one of the most memorable times of my life. I should be out doing things now because I may never have the opportunity to do it later. I need to start making the most of things NOW.

Everything happens for reason they say...
And I plan to start taking advantage of it now.

XoxoX, Jenn♥

[P.S. I have a new crush guys... XD And he's so weird but I like it. XP]

Fuck music, I've got a real boyfriend!

That's right.
I have this awesome guy named Joshua Caleb Vigorito as my boyfriend.

So this is how it went down:
Last Friday, various friends and I were chilling in the band room during lunch talking about going to the movies when Dylan, Katie's boyfriend, is like 'You should go out with Josh' and I'm totally shocked cuz I had liked him for like 3 weeks and hadn't told a soul.

So Monday, I decide to tell Katie and she's all pissed cuz I did waited 3 weeks to tell her. Lol. She tells Dylan and apparently Dylan has a big mouth cuz next thing I know I'm going to ask him out.

*Cue nervousness and freaking out*

So I come to school on Tuesday dressed up all nice & panicking and everyone is like 'Did you ask him yet?' and I'm like '...Nooooo'. I honestly didn't feel like asking anyone anything at the moment and I pretty much wanted to go home and die from embarrasment & nervousness.

[It was kinda funny cuz when I was walking to band class he was coming from *insert4thperiodclasshere* and I was like 'Oh shit!!!' and made a beeline for the band room. I literally did a 90 degree angle turn from the path I had been walking. Lol.]

Then lunch rolls around and there's egg rolls; the school's egg rolls are epic. So I'm sitting and the lunch table in the cafeteria with Beth, Chelsea and other assorted people, enjoying my egg roll when Katie, Dylan, Aubry [Josh's older sister], and Kendal swarm out of nowhere.

It was really scary, there were like sharks circling a bleeding seal.
Sharks eat seals, right? Or is it otters?

Katie drags me out of the booth spilling my food everywhere and tries to tow me all the way back to the band room. I manage to escape and go to use the bathroom. She drags me out like the very second I'm done peeing.

So I walk into the band room and peek around the corner. No Josh. I breath a sigh of relief because I really don't want to ask him.

[I mean who the hell enjoys asking people out? Because for like 2 or 3 unholy seconds it's like you're teetering on the edge of a cliff and the only person who knows for sure what's going to happen to you is the person you're asking. Nobody likes to put themselves out there like that; vulnerable for attack.]

But I digress, it turned out that Josh was getting fitted for his concert tuxedo so I had to suffer and wait in the band room for like 5 minutes.

5 minutes in which I begin to pace relentlessly.

He's done getting fitted and I'm like 'OHHHHHHH SHIIITTTT!' and Dylan comes to hold me & Josh together and I can't make a quick getaway.

But then it's like:

Dylan: Josh, do you take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded girlfriend?
Josh: Yes
Dylan: Jennifer, do you take Josh to be your lawfully wedded boyfriend?
Me: Yes.
Dylan: I now pronouce you boyfriend and girlfriend.
*smiles all around*

So basically all that nervousness and bullshit was for NOTHING!!!
Lmao.

The bell rings, we hold hands and he walks me all the way to class. He was late.

The next day, more smiling, hand holding, and hugging. Everyone was awwing and shit. We kissed after band practice. Kendal and Megan missed it. They were pissed. That was my first kiss EVER! =D

Yesterday was the band concert. I met his dad, he met my mom. My parents did their parental thing and were like 'Blah blah blah, boyfriend, grades, you can always ask us anything, he's supposed to ask you, he's too young, etc.'

Today we kissed again. =]

This blog was ridiculously long.

12.16.08♥

XoxoX, Jenn♥

P.S. The title of this blog relates to another blog I posted, k.

I'm terrified of mediocrity

I'm terrified that I'll grow up and lose all my optimism, imagination and determination to rise above all the rest.

That I'll settle for less and be okay with a mediocre life.

That I'll become a trophy housewife living in the middle of suburbia where the most exciting thing in my life is getting a stainless steel power juicer.

If the last one happens I'll probably run off with gorgeous Hispanic gardener named Raul to Argentina. My 4 kids will be devastated and will hate me for the rest of their life. I'll try to make it up to them but they'll refuse to even speak to me. Either that or I'll hang myself from the clothesline in our perfectly manicured backyard.

I refuse to be a Stepford wife.
I'd rather be alone my entire life.
I'll take the cramped apartment with 27 cats any day of the week.

I'll take my chances with living out my dreams.
At least if I fail I'll know I tried.

"So take a chance and make it big,
Cause it’s the last you’ll ever get."
--The Phrase That Pays by The Academy Is...

XoxoX, Jenn♥

Things I've realized about myself.

-I hate apologizing; I rarely ever do it.
-I hate admitting that I'm wrong.
-I'm stubborn.
-I keep my emotions hidden well.
-There's a 99.9% chance that I won't have sex in high school BY CHOICE.
-I hate disrespectful, rude, ignorant people.
-I hate when things aren't fair.
-I think seniority & elitism is bullshit.
-I know A LOT more about certain people then they would realize or want me to know.
-I have a really good family.
-I have absolutely no idea I want to come of my impending future. I just want to be happy.
-Apparently I'm really funny.
-Also, apparently I make lots of entertaining facial expressions.
-I've learned to not make plans based on people for my future.
-I may seem to be overly realistic or pessimistic but deep down I'm quite the optimist.
-I like IMing/texting/messaging/etc. because I can organize my thoughts better.
-But with talking I don't seem to able to always get my point across.
-I love to read.
-I'm a dork & I'll never be cool but I'm okay with that.
-I'm vain about 2 things only: this blog & my taste in music.
-I LOVE music. <--- This sentence can never fully describe how I feel about music.
-Sometimes, I truly believe I'm going to be that old lady with 27 cats.
-I'll kill myself when I hit 66.
-I refuse to get old, rickety, incontinent. Fuck old age.
-I reeeaaalllly want to learn how to play bass.

xoxox, Jenn♥

Today's my birthday.

I'm 16 now. I don't really feel any older.

I'm over you. I don't know why I made such a big deal. >_>

I'm sick like a dog. I feel like death. D=<

I have no idea why I'm even posting a blog.

Fucking people and their pull down shower heads. XDDDD

xoxox, Jenn♥

P.S. Was it just me or was Tyler looking dead fucking sexy last Saturday?
But let me keep the record straight, I DO NOT LIKE HIM!!! That was totally a one time thing.
Unless he starts coming to school like that everyday...Lmao.

Good news has arrived!

Guess what, guys?

I DON'T LIKE BRONSON ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HALLELUJAH, THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!
NO MORE SAPPY FUCKING BLOGS OR WALLOWING IN SELF PITY!!!!!!
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways...

So you might be wondering why I don't like him anymore. Well it's because he cut off all his hair and now he looks like every other white boy at school. Sorry but that's the cold hard truth.

A plus(?) for him is that he looks his age now, which is 17.

Oh, and if you were wondering this will probably be the last blog that will revolve around him. No promises though cause I have AP Psychology with him now.

xoxox, Jenn♥

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Dating Site

Lol. I guess I curse too much.
Or maybe it's that one time with the porn...nah.
XD

In Regards To Religion

Okay this is going to be a serious one guys.

Well I've been wanting to write a blog about this for awhile now.

So I believe in a God okay. I think I believe in Jesus too. So that would make me Christian by default right?

From that point on I think I pretty much stray from typical Christian beliefs.

I believe gay people should be allowed to be together & abortion should be handled on a case-by-case basis. Sex before marriage is okay as long as you're in a steady long-lasting love filled relationship & the time is right. Drugs & excessive alcohol is bad and all of the 10 commandments pretty much apply.

I don't think I fit the Christian mold though, I believe in evolution after all.

I don't think there's perfect right religion or that any bible or religious text is 100% accurate & precise because they were written by humans. Something(s) are bound to be changed over hundreds of years.

I don't think there's a religion that totally mirrors my beliefs. Maybe I'll just have to make my own. Maybe I'm totally wrong & I'm signing my permission slip for eternal damnation by writing this. Oh well.

Speaking of the afterlife I think there is one. I think there is a heaven & a hell and if you were a good person despite what you did/n't believe you'll get to heaven 7 if you're terrible person you'll get to make buddies with the devil in the end.

I believe what comes around goes around and if you do good you are rewarded. Everything happens for a reason & while some things are fated to be what you choose to do has its effects.

And there are times when I wish I had a definite belief in a religion complete with the biases so I could know for sure if I did this that would happen & I could have a set definition of right & wrong. Everything could be black & white with no shades of gray.

But that entire concept goes against my personality. Rofl.

I think in the end most people claim a religion simply because they're afraid to die & what comes afterward because at least with a religion whether you're good or bad you take some comfort in knowing exactly where you're going.

My problem is I don't know where I'm going and whether it exists or not...

xoxox, Jenn♥

P.S. Guys, I think I'm an agnostic thesist; Someone who believes there's a god but they're not sure that they exist.

I really fucking hate people.

So earlier today I was cleaning and my mom was watching CNN and there was a commerical for a special news report that they were doing later that night. It was about how a lady died in the psychiatric waiting room.

She basically fell out of her chair, struggled to get back up and then collapsed on the floor dead. The waiting room wasn't empty either. There was a couple other people there too and they all just watched her die. Fucking savages.

Now I'm normally not the one to get all emotional and shit but that made me so goddamn angry. Seriously, what the hell were those people thinking? If somebody falls down you check if they're okay especially if they are an older fucking person. I mean if it's somebody at school falls down you probably point & laugh AFTER you realize that they're not seriously injured.

Shit like this makes me not surprised at all when people say the world is ending because with people like that on this planet I say we fucking deserve it.

Holy shit, I am really pissed off. Fucking people & their stupid shit. Fuck them.

Edit: This what my friend Joe had to say: "er, it was a psych ward.
a few things about it:
First, if someone falls over, you never never know that something's wrong...they could be in a (crazy) mood and get ready to bite you...would you touch someone that could potentially tear your throat out?
Second, maybe the people there were...out of it in some way shape or form?
OR, maybe they thought help was on the way.
Whatever the case may be, look at the source of the news: CNN
CNN is NOTORIOUS for it's liberal slant.
Glenn Beck is probably the ONLY exception.
A news station that has a liberal slant rarely, if ever, tells the whole truth."

I guess I feel slightly better now, thank you Joe.

xoxox, Jenn♥

So I got my palm read on Gaia...

Iif you have a Gaia account you can private message her with a picture of your palm. Her username is Rose_of_Tae. This is what the chick said:

"You have a Water hand. This is the hand that artists love. People with this hand are imaginative, intuitive, innovative and have a love for all living things. They are sensitive and creative and would do well in a career that involved creativity and a strong aesthic sense. They are constantly let down by others who have different shaped palms then they do.

You have a heartline that runs straight across your palm. This means that you are the type of person who bottles up their emotions until one day you reach a breaking point and then BAM! All those emotions come flooding out. It also means that you find it difficult to tell others how you feel. I couldnt help but notice that you have a island on your heartline, probably toward your mid-teens. Islands on the heartline are indicators of a period of depression.

You have a long head line, which means you are a very detailed thinker. You a lot of worry lines as well, and you need to watch out for this because as soon as they cross over your life line you put your health at risk. You also have a large thumb in comparision to the rest of your hand. Large thumbs are a sign of success in life. This is a good thing. ^^ You also have a strong family chain around your thumb that doesnt thin out until the very end. This means you will be tight with your family almost throughout your entire life.

You have a destiny line. It breaks, early on, which signifies a change in plans, but then gets stronger and deeper- especially through the years 35-49. After that though, it fades slightly. This means that after you're 49 you are probably going to re-think your career choice.

I see two long lasting and deep relationships on your palm. This could be romantic or just friendly. However, you are the first person whose children lines I could see. ^^ It looks like you were fated to have three kids. Two boys and one girl. However, this would have been more accurate 200 years ago- when there was no such thing as condoms, the pill, or the sponge. This was how many children you were supposed to have- the minute you use protection you are taking a risk that you might not have them. ((I DO NOT SUPPORT UNPROTECTED SEX FOR THE RECORD XD ))

Your fingers tell me that you have natural good taste and the ability to use it in a career. You also find it easy to talk to people, communication being one of your stronger points. Your fingers also tell me that you are a good organizer and enjoy detailed work because you are methodical and conscientious."

I think it's pretty accurate! Scary huh? Oh, don't worry Katie I'll give you your blog later.

xoxox, Jenn♥

P.S. HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY, AMERICA!!!

I just realized why I'm so good at blogging

It's because of my total lack of a life and because I'm so meticulous about grammar and spelling. I also have a large vocabulary and I'm pretty much a literary genius. lol. Yay fer books!

Anyways I just wanted to say to all my friends even the ones who think "Well I don't really know her all that great" I think the majority of you guys will do something with your lives. Of course there will be a few stragglers but then again there always is.

I just have the feeling that all the people I associate with that I WANTED to be associated with will turn into something bigger and better than I could ever be. At least if they let themselves & don't let other people bring them down to their level.

I say this mostly because it's easier to see other people potential than it is to see my own and because my friends are amazing people. All they need to do is not surround themselves with negative people, get the hell out of PSL, have some ambition to chase whatever their dream is & to take charge of their life and not let other people manipulate them.

You are greater than you think you are.

xoxox, Jenn♥

I should be cleaning but...

I don't really feel like doing it at the moment. I am a master procrastinator!

So I made some resolutions for my life:
1. Don't hang out with shitty people
2. Keep at least a 3.0 GPA year round
3. Get my permit
4. Exercise
5. Don't cuss unreasonably
6. Stop worrying about stuff I can't control

This came to me as I was cleaning my tub. Inspiration always strikes me at the weirdest times.

I'm posting this on here so it can remind me and now I have something to hold against myself. Otherwise I'll just fall back into my old ways. I want to become a better person

xoxox, Jenn♥