merry christmas & happy new year!

I thought I'd throw a little something up here because I haven't past through here in over a month.

R.I.P
Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan
February 10, 1981 – December 28, 2009



Never again will he twirl a drumstick like the badass he is. Never again will he be laying down some sick rhythms on one of A7X's songs. Never again will he act a fool and crack me up.

And while I didn't know him as a friend I did know as a fan through his music. It upsets me to know that I didn't even get to see him alive in concert doing what he loved and kicked ass at it.

He will be very missed...

XoxoX, Jenn♥

just for the record

So there's been a lot of backstabbing and shit talking going on behind people's backs lately in my life. And I'd be lying my ass off if I said I've never done it before.

Yes, I know it's a horrible thing to and it's going to bite me in the ass (and it has before).

But in most cases of my smack talking I have no intention of starting drama with someone else. I don't even want to hurt their feelings or cease being friends with them or whatever. I'm just venting.

So you're probably saying "Oh why don't you just take the problem to them and figure it all out?"

And I honestly wish I could but most people tend to get mad when you tell them about how bad their B.O. is or how much you hate their boyfriend or that you think they're making terrible decisions.

So then I end up telling my best friend because I know she won't tell the whole world and to see if I'm crazy or it's not just me that notices these things.

I'm not really trying to justify my actions but I think this should be put out there. Kinda like a disclaimer or something...

XoxoX, Jenn♥

Disappointed?

I think my mother is disappointed in me and my lack of a social life.

Because she accuses me of doing all these fanciful things that I would never do.

Because I'm boring and never do anything to get in trouble she's probably all frustrated that she'll never get to try all these neat parenting techniques for people with bad kids.

So she tries to goad me into all these stupid confrontations and then gets all mad when I defend myself and I point out why she's wrong with evidence and examples.

You know life as an adult must suck when you have to trick your kids into arguing you with in order to get some entertainment.

XoxoX, Jenn♥

Coward

I just had a realized I'm kind of a punk.

Because I take the path of least resistance so when things turn to shit I can just claim that I wasn't really trying, instead of giving 100% and having my efforts thrown back in my face.

And then I wonder why nothing particularly exciting ever comes my way.

Nobody can ever frustrate me like I can.

XoxoX, Jenn♥

How about that new school year?

This year I feel overwhelmed with a sense of urgency & hope.

Urgency because I feel like I have to cram every little bit of fun into this year.
And hope because I think I'm finally on the path of becoming the person I want to be. :)

Knowing who you want to be & how to get there is really nice.

Anyways I just felt like writing a little statement about my current state of affairs.
Life is excellent. 8]

XoxoX, Jenn♥

What's with his homies dissing my girl?

10 points if you know what song that's from!

Anyways I feel like writing another random blog.

So this coming school year feels like it's going to be really good and it should be because it's my senior year. I don't want no stupid friend drama or stupid boy drama. I just wanna get good grades, have some fun, and create memories to tell to my children one day.

Basically, fuck all you stupid people who try to ruin other people's happiness. I simply don't have time for your bullshit this year.

And I'm going to stop holding back on my personality because I can't please everyone & a little rejection isn't going to kill me. In fact, it'll only make me a stronger person.

Another thing I want to do by the end of this year is to tie up all my loose ends before I leave PSL behind. Throughout this year I'll probably confront several people random things I have to say them. I don't want to have any what if's by the time I graduate.

So this year is gonna be all about taking some risks & making mistakes because it's better to fuck up now while I still have a safety net to catch me when I fall.

XoxoX, Jenn♥

I have a car wash in 7 hours

& I have no idea why I'm still up.

I turn into something of an insomniac during the summer.
So it's a gonna be a bitch to wake up at 7 am next Tuesday for band camp.

And I still can't believe I'm finally a senior.
I feel as if I should have another year to get my act together.
It's really weird to go from the bottom of the food chain to the top in just 4 years only to do it over again.

The idea of my childhood ending is stifling me again.

xoxox, Jenn♥

P.S. I was rereading some of my old blogs and I don't think I sound like myself.
I sound more mature & more well put together.
The transition from in person to text is really kind to me.

=^-_-^= it's a cat

Guys are fricking weird; I doubt I'll ever totally comprehend them.

I bet guys feel the same way about girls.

I'm just one of vast majority of teenagers who think they're totally unique and the only one to experience what their going through. However the truth of the matter is I'm not as misunderstood as I'd like to imagine.

95% of the stuff that happens in your life is consequence of your actions. The other 5% is stuff that drives your actions. You make your own destiny.

I'm going to be "ready" for the real world this time next year according to a pretty sheet of paper. I have no idea of what I want and whether or not I'm capable of sustaining myself.

Sometimes I don't realize I still have some last vestiges of seeing the world through rose tinted glasses so when they're shattered I'm totally discouraged.

But I also need to realize without these little bits of hope I'd become a miserable old curmudgeon. <---- EPIC WORD!!!

That's it for now.

xoxox, Jenn♥

Jennifer's very own BUCKET LIST!

In light of recent events I've realized life is very fleeting and anyone can go at anytime. And while this is very terrifying to think about this is all the more reason to live life to the fullest extent and not sit on your ass and bitch about how life sucks.

So here's my list:

• See one of my favorite bands in concert
• Do marching band in college
• Travel the US
• Become a band director
• Learn how to shoot a gun/cross bow
• Do a zombie walk
• Partake in the Running of the Bulls
• Make a YouTube video
• Get into my first choice college
• Fall in love
• Speak another language fluently
• Have a penpal
• Become an environmental scientist
• See a show on Broadway
• Be an extra in a movie
• Invent something
• Learn how to knit/crochet
• Cook/bake something from scratch out of a cookbook
• Learn to play bass guitar
• Become a psychologist
• Have someone I know (or used to know) become famous
• Meet one of my favorite bands
• Have 5000 songs on my iPod
• Go camping
• Have a road trip
• Learn computer programming
• Learn to play the drums
• Play Guitar Hero on expert
• Sneak on to the roof of a public building
• Travel the world
• Go to Warped Tour
• Join a band
• Partake in the Tomatina
• Be in a orchestra for a movie score
• Write a book
• Go to space (Or float like I'm in space)
  

That's in for now. I'll add more later.
And eventually cross some off.

Stolen from Alyssa.
RIP Johny Mejias

XoxoX, Jenn♥

Musings

These are just a small portion of the stuff I think about so yeah...
Here we go:

Because I have no epic scars (except from this one scar I have on my knee) I feel like I haven't led a exciting life or that my childhood was terribly boring. I wish I did more as a kid because I don't really have the chance to do it now. I now have 2 cuts on my hand from my rabbit and I'm really hoping they scar so I'll have a story to tell.
(Of course I don't mean self inflicted scars; that shit ain't cool.)

Sometimes I worry that all my friends hate me and that they only just barely tolerate my existence.

I plan to give all my children these badass epic names but I worry that they'll hate them and that they'll get made fun of by someone's douchebag children. Right now I'm really feeling Adelaide (for a girl) and Yves (for a boy). Shut the fuck up, I'll name my kids whatever name I feel like.

I feel so proud of myself when I do my homework right after school. It's like I can just feel my grades rising. I'm pretty much a hardcore nerd, I just don't have the grades to back it up.

I don't think I'm very nice person and I don't really know how to go about changing that. I wish I was nicer and more loving to the people close to me. I don't want to push them all away. I should really stop taking them for granted.

I feel like I'm corrupting someone when I cuss around someone who doesn't. I don't want them to think less of me for it. But then again if they do then that's rather condescending, don't you think?

That's all for now.

XoxoX, Jenn♥

In which Jennifer gets her shit together.

So I'm blogging again. Yay!

I've been feeling really hopeful lately and I don't know why but I like it.
It's a nice change from constant self inflicted cynicism & pessimism.

It makes me want to be nice to people and do random acts of kindness.
It's weird because nothing in my life has really changed.

I guess my outlook on life has just changed is all.
My personality hasn't really changed though, it's more like I'm just taking everything in stride now.

Like there's no need to sit here and freak out and be sad & regret stupid things because the world waits for no one. I'll never know when I'm going to die so why waste the time I do have?

Especially the time I have as a teenager. It's supposed to be one of the most memorable times of my life. I should be out doing things now because I may never have the opportunity to do it later. I need to start making the most of things NOW.

Everything happens for reason they say...
And I plan to start taking advantage of it now.

XoxoX, Jenn♥

[P.S. I have a new crush guys... XD And he's so weird but I like it. XP]

I'm not dead.

I've just been slacking on the whole blog front.

So here's a quick one for the people who still read this blog:

Me and Josh are no more as of January 13th 2009.
My grades are sucking majorly.
I wish I didn't do the pit orchestra for Music Man.
I'm kinda on a boy hiatus as of right now; particularly the freshmen.
I feel like my life is disorganized right now, henceforth the sucky grades & the boy hiatus.
Why the fuck is everyone moving in February?

This blog was lame.
I'm losing my touch.

XoxoX, Jenn♥