just for the record

So there's been a lot of backstabbing and shit talking going on behind people's backs lately in my life. And I'd be lying my ass off if I said I've never done it before.

Yes, I know it's a horrible thing to and it's going to bite me in the ass (and it has before).

But in most cases of my smack talking I have no intention of starting drama with someone else. I don't even want to hurt their feelings or cease being friends with them or whatever. I'm just venting.

So you're probably saying "Oh why don't you just take the problem to them and figure it all out?"

And I honestly wish I could but most people tend to get mad when you tell them about how bad their B.O. is or how much you hate their boyfriend or that you think they're making terrible decisions.

So then I end up telling my best friend because I know she won't tell the whole world and to see if I'm crazy or it's not just me that notices these things.

I'm not really trying to justify my actions but I think this should be put out there. Kinda like a disclaimer or something...

XoxoX, Jenn♥

Coward

I just had a realized I'm kind of a punk.

Because I take the path of least resistance so when things turn to shit I can just claim that I wasn't really trying, instead of giving 100% and having my efforts thrown back in my face.

And then I wonder why nothing particularly exciting ever comes my way.

Nobody can ever frustrate me like I can.

XoxoX, Jenn♥

Jennifer's very own BUCKET LIST!

In light of recent events I've realized life is very fleeting and anyone can go at anytime. And while this is very terrifying to think about this is all the more reason to live life to the fullest extent and not sit on your ass and bitch about how life sucks.

So here's my list:

• See one of my favorite bands in concert
• Do marching band in college
• Travel the US
• Become a band director
• Learn how to shoot a gun/cross bow
• Do a zombie walk
• Partake in the Running of the Bulls
• Make a YouTube video
• Get into my first choice college
• Fall in love
• Speak another language fluently
• Have a penpal
• Become an environmental scientist
• See a show on Broadway
• Be an extra in a movie
• Invent something
• Learn how to knit/crochet
• Cook/bake something from scratch out of a cookbook
• Learn to play bass guitar
• Become a psychologist
• Have someone I know (or used to know) become famous
• Meet one of my favorite bands
• Have 5000 songs on my iPod
• Go camping
• Have a road trip
• Learn computer programming
• Learn to play the drums
• Play Guitar Hero on expert
• Sneak on to the roof of a public building
• Travel the world
• Go to Warped Tour
• Join a band
• Partake in the Tomatina
• Be in a orchestra for a movie score
• Write a book
• Go to space (Or float like I'm in space)
  

That's in for now. I'll add more later.
And eventually cross some off.

Stolen from Alyssa.
RIP Johny Mejias

XoxoX, Jenn♥

Musings

These are just a small portion of the stuff I think about so yeah...
Here we go:

Because I have no epic scars (except from this one scar I have on my knee) I feel like I haven't led a exciting life or that my childhood was terribly boring. I wish I did more as a kid because I don't really have the chance to do it now. I now have 2 cuts on my hand from my rabbit and I'm really hoping they scar so I'll have a story to tell.
(Of course I don't mean self inflicted scars; that shit ain't cool.)

Sometimes I worry that all my friends hate me and that they only just barely tolerate my existence.

I plan to give all my children these badass epic names but I worry that they'll hate them and that they'll get made fun of by someone's douchebag children. Right now I'm really feeling Adelaide (for a girl) and Yves (for a boy). Shut the fuck up, I'll name my kids whatever name I feel like.

I feel so proud of myself when I do my homework right after school. It's like I can just feel my grades rising. I'm pretty much a hardcore nerd, I just don't have the grades to back it up.

I don't think I'm very nice person and I don't really know how to go about changing that. I wish I was nicer and more loving to the people close to me. I don't want to push them all away. I should really stop taking them for granted.

I feel like I'm corrupting someone when I cuss around someone who doesn't. I don't want them to think less of me for it. But then again if they do then that's rather condescending, don't you think?

That's all for now.

XoxoX, Jenn♥