=^-_-^= it's a cat

Guys are fricking weird; I doubt I'll ever totally comprehend them.

I bet guys feel the same way about girls.

I'm just one of vast majority of teenagers who think they're totally unique and the only one to experience what their going through. However the truth of the matter is I'm not as misunderstood as I'd like to imagine.

95% of the stuff that happens in your life is consequence of your actions. The other 5% is stuff that drives your actions. You make your own destiny.

I'm going to be "ready" for the real world this time next year according to a pretty sheet of paper. I have no idea of what I want and whether or not I'm capable of sustaining myself.

Sometimes I don't realize I still have some last vestiges of seeing the world through rose tinted glasses so when they're shattered I'm totally discouraged.

But I also need to realize without these little bits of hope I'd become a miserable old curmudgeon. <---- EPIC WORD!!!

That's it for now.

xoxox, Jenn♥

Jennifer's very own BUCKET LIST!

In light of recent events I've realized life is very fleeting and anyone can go at anytime. And while this is very terrifying to think about this is all the more reason to live life to the fullest extent and not sit on your ass and bitch about how life sucks.

So here's my list:

• See one of my favorite bands in concert
• Do marching band in college
• Travel the US
• Become a band director
• Learn how to shoot a gun/cross bow
• Do a zombie walk
• Partake in the Running of the Bulls
• Make a YouTube video
• Get into my first choice college
• Fall in love
• Speak another language fluently
• Have a penpal
• Become an environmental scientist
• See a show on Broadway
• Be an extra in a movie
• Invent something
• Learn how to knit/crochet
• Cook/bake something from scratch out of a cookbook
• Learn to play bass guitar
• Become a psychologist
• Have someone I know (or used to know) become famous
• Meet one of my favorite bands
• Have 5000 songs on my iPod
• Go camping
• Have a road trip
• Learn computer programming
• Learn to play the drums
• Play Guitar Hero on expert
• Sneak on to the roof of a public building
• Travel the world
• Go to Warped Tour
• Join a band
• Partake in the Tomatina
• Be in a orchestra for a movie score
• Write a book
• Go to space (Or float like I'm in space)
  

That's in for now. I'll add more later.
And eventually cross some off.

Stolen from Alyssa.
RIP Johny Mejias

XoxoX, Jenn♥

Musings

These are just a small portion of the stuff I think about so yeah...
Here we go:

Because I have no epic scars (except from this one scar I have on my knee) I feel like I haven't led a exciting life or that my childhood was terribly boring. I wish I did more as a kid because I don't really have the chance to do it now. I now have 2 cuts on my hand from my rabbit and I'm really hoping they scar so I'll have a story to tell.
(Of course I don't mean self inflicted scars; that shit ain't cool.)

Sometimes I worry that all my friends hate me and that they only just barely tolerate my existence.

I plan to give all my children these badass epic names but I worry that they'll hate them and that they'll get made fun of by someone's douchebag children. Right now I'm really feeling Adelaide (for a girl) and Yves (for a boy). Shut the fuck up, I'll name my kids whatever name I feel like.

I feel so proud of myself when I do my homework right after school. It's like I can just feel my grades rising. I'm pretty much a hardcore nerd, I just don't have the grades to back it up.

I don't think I'm very nice person and I don't really know how to go about changing that. I wish I was nicer and more loving to the people close to me. I don't want to push them all away. I should really stop taking them for granted.

I feel like I'm corrupting someone when I cuss around someone who doesn't. I don't want them to think less of me for it. But then again if they do then that's rather condescending, don't you think?

That's all for now.

XoxoX, Jenn♥

In which Jennifer gets her shit together.

So I'm blogging again. Yay!

I've been feeling really hopeful lately and I don't know why but I like it.
It's a nice change from constant self inflicted cynicism & pessimism.

It makes me want to be nice to people and do random acts of kindness.
It's weird because nothing in my life has really changed.

I guess my outlook on life has just changed is all.
My personality hasn't really changed though, it's more like I'm just taking everything in stride now.

Like there's no need to sit here and freak out and be sad & regret stupid things because the world waits for no one. I'll never know when I'm going to die so why waste the time I do have?

Especially the time I have as a teenager. It's supposed to be one of the most memorable times of my life. I should be out doing things now because I may never have the opportunity to do it later. I need to start making the most of things NOW.

Everything happens for reason they say...
And I plan to start taking advantage of it now.

XoxoX, Jenn♥

[P.S. I have a new crush guys... XD And he's so weird but I like it. XP]

I'm not dead.

I've just been slacking on the whole blog front.

So here's a quick one for the people who still read this blog:

Me and Josh are no more as of January 13th 2009.
My grades are sucking majorly.
I wish I didn't do the pit orchestra for Music Man.
I'm kinda on a boy hiatus as of right now; particularly the freshmen.
I feel like my life is disorganized right now, henceforth the sucky grades & the boy hiatus.
Why the fuck is everyone moving in February?

This blog was lame.
I'm losing my touch.

XoxoX, Jenn♥

Fuck music, I've got a real boyfriend!

That's right.
I have this awesome guy named Joshua Caleb Vigorito as my boyfriend.

So this is how it went down:
Last Friday, various friends and I were chilling in the band room during lunch talking about going to the movies when Dylan, Katie's boyfriend, is like 'You should go out with Josh' and I'm totally shocked cuz I had liked him for like 3 weeks and hadn't told a soul.

So Monday, I decide to tell Katie and she's all pissed cuz I did waited 3 weeks to tell her. Lol. She tells Dylan and apparently Dylan has a big mouth cuz next thing I know I'm going to ask him out.

*Cue nervousness and freaking out*

So I come to school on Tuesday dressed up all nice & panicking and everyone is like 'Did you ask him yet?' and I'm like '...Nooooo'. I honestly didn't feel like asking anyone anything at the moment and I pretty much wanted to go home and die from embarrasment & nervousness.

[It was kinda funny cuz when I was walking to band class he was coming from *insert4thperiodclasshere* and I was like 'Oh shit!!!' and made a beeline for the band room. I literally did a 90 degree angle turn from the path I had been walking. Lol.]

Then lunch rolls around and there's egg rolls; the school's egg rolls are epic. So I'm sitting and the lunch table in the cafeteria with Beth, Chelsea and other assorted people, enjoying my egg roll when Katie, Dylan, Aubry [Josh's older sister], and Kendal swarm out of nowhere.

It was really scary, there were like sharks circling a bleeding seal.
Sharks eat seals, right? Or is it otters?

Katie drags me out of the booth spilling my food everywhere and tries to tow me all the way back to the band room. I manage to escape and go to use the bathroom. She drags me out like the very second I'm done peeing.

So I walk into the band room and peek around the corner. No Josh. I breath a sigh of relief because I really don't want to ask him.

[I mean who the hell enjoys asking people out? Because for like 2 or 3 unholy seconds it's like you're teetering on the edge of a cliff and the only person who knows for sure what's going to happen to you is the person you're asking. Nobody likes to put themselves out there like that; vulnerable for attack.]

But I digress, it turned out that Josh was getting fitted for his concert tuxedo so I had to suffer and wait in the band room for like 5 minutes.

5 minutes in which I begin to pace relentlessly.

He's done getting fitted and I'm like 'OHHHHHHH SHIIITTTT!' and Dylan comes to hold me & Josh together and I can't make a quick getaway.

But then it's like:

Dylan: Josh, do you take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded girlfriend?
Josh: Yes
Dylan: Jennifer, do you take Josh to be your lawfully wedded boyfriend?
Me: Yes.
Dylan: I now pronouce you boyfriend and girlfriend.
*smiles all around*

So basically all that nervousness and bullshit was for NOTHING!!!
Lmao.

The bell rings, we hold hands and he walks me all the way to class. He was late.

The next day, more smiling, hand holding, and hugging. Everyone was awwing and shit. We kissed after band practice. Kendal and Megan missed it. They were pissed. That was my first kiss EVER! =D

Yesterday was the band concert. I met his dad, he met my mom. My parents did their parental thing and were like 'Blah blah blah, boyfriend, grades, you can always ask us anything, he's supposed to ask you, he's too young, etc.'

Today we kissed again. =]

This blog was ridiculously long.

12.16.08♥

XoxoX, Jenn♥

P.S. The title of this blog relates to another blog I posted, k.

Self pity isn't very pretty...

Especially in the case of having a bad family.

It's slowly becoming the norm for people to have broken/abusive/addict families. And while that's absolutely horrible and it's totally fucking up their kids, what bothers me the more is when these kids are like "Well my life is already horrible I'll just fuck up some more. It won't matter."

Like seriously, what the hell kind of thought process is this?
Just because your family is made of fail you're justified to make nothing of yourself?
Bullshit.

I don't give a damn whatever happens, you should never think like this.

In fact you should want to excel in life to prove your family and society wrong. So you can have the opportunity to be like "Bitch, look at me now! I've gone farther in life than you could ever dream of" and rub their faces in it. Or, at the very least, raise your future kids knowing you did a better job than they did.

But no, continue wallow in your self misery and go down the same path as your family. Become another statistic. Get pregnant and drop out of school while you're at it. Go ahead and sink down to their level because it's not like you were going to do anything worthwhile with your life anyways...

Are you?

XoxoX, Jenn♥