merry christmas & happy new year!

I thought I'd throw a little something up here because I haven't past through here in over a month.

R.I.P
Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan
February 10, 1981 – December 28, 2009



Never again will he twirl a drumstick like the badass he is. Never again will he be laying down some sick rhythms on one of A7X's songs. Never again will he act a fool and crack me up.

And while I didn't know him as a friend I did know as a fan through his music. It upsets me to know that I didn't even get to see him alive in concert doing what he loved and kicked ass at it.

He will be very missed...

XoxoX, Jenn♥

just for the record

So there's been a lot of backstabbing and shit talking going on behind people's backs lately in my life. And I'd be lying my ass off if I said I've never done it before.

Yes, I know it's a horrible thing to and it's going to bite me in the ass (and it has before).

But in most cases of my smack talking I have no intention of starting drama with someone else. I don't even want to hurt their feelings or cease being friends with them or whatever. I'm just venting.

So you're probably saying "Oh why don't you just take the problem to them and figure it all out?"

And I honestly wish I could but most people tend to get mad when you tell them about how bad their B.O. is or how much you hate their boyfriend or that you think they're making terrible decisions.

So then I end up telling my best friend because I know she won't tell the whole world and to see if I'm crazy or it's not just me that notices these things.

I'm not really trying to justify my actions but I think this should be put out there. Kinda like a disclaimer or something...

XoxoX, Jenn♥

Disappointed?

I think my mother is disappointed in me and my lack of a social life.

Because she accuses me of doing all these fanciful things that I would never do.

Because I'm boring and never do anything to get in trouble she's probably all frustrated that she'll never get to try all these neat parenting techniques for people with bad kids.

So she tries to goad me into all these stupid confrontations and then gets all mad when I defend myself and I point out why she's wrong with evidence and examples.

You know life as an adult must suck when you have to trick your kids into arguing you with in order to get some entertainment.

XoxoX, Jenn♥

Coward

I just had a realized I'm kind of a punk.

Because I take the path of least resistance so when things turn to shit I can just claim that I wasn't really trying, instead of giving 100% and having my efforts thrown back in my face.

And then I wonder why nothing particularly exciting ever comes my way.

Nobody can ever frustrate me like I can.

XoxoX, Jenn♥

How about that new school year?

This year I feel overwhelmed with a sense of urgency & hope.

Urgency because I feel like I have to cram every little bit of fun into this year.
And hope because I think I'm finally on the path of becoming the person I want to be. :)

Knowing who you want to be & how to get there is really nice.

Anyways I just felt like writing a little statement about my current state of affairs.
Life is excellent. 8]

XoxoX, Jenn♥

What's with his homies dissing my girl?

10 points if you know what song that's from!

Anyways I feel like writing another random blog.

So this coming school year feels like it's going to be really good and it should be because it's my senior year. I don't want no stupid friend drama or stupid boy drama. I just wanna get good grades, have some fun, and create memories to tell to my children one day.

Basically, fuck all you stupid people who try to ruin other people's happiness. I simply don't have time for your bullshit this year.

And I'm going to stop holding back on my personality because I can't please everyone & a little rejection isn't going to kill me. In fact, it'll only make me a stronger person.

Another thing I want to do by the end of this year is to tie up all my loose ends before I leave PSL behind. Throughout this year I'll probably confront several people random things I have to say them. I don't want to have any what if's by the time I graduate.

So this year is gonna be all about taking some risks & making mistakes because it's better to fuck up now while I still have a safety net to catch me when I fall.

XoxoX, Jenn♥

I have a car wash in 7 hours

& I have no idea why I'm still up.

I turn into something of an insomniac during the summer.
So it's a gonna be a bitch to wake up at 7 am next Tuesday for band camp.

And I still can't believe I'm finally a senior.
I feel as if I should have another year to get my act together.
It's really weird to go from the bottom of the food chain to the top in just 4 years only to do it over again.

The idea of my childhood ending is stifling me again.

xoxox, Jenn♥

P.S. I was rereading some of my old blogs and I don't think I sound like myself.
I sound more mature & more well put together.
The transition from in person to text is really kind to me.

=^-_-^= it's a cat

Guys are fricking weird; I doubt I'll ever totally comprehend them.

I bet guys feel the same way about girls.

I'm just one of vast majority of teenagers who think they're totally unique and the only one to experience what their going through. However the truth of the matter is I'm not as misunderstood as I'd like to imagine.

95% of the stuff that happens in your life is consequence of your actions. The other 5% is stuff that drives your actions. You make your own destiny.

I'm going to be "ready" for the real world this time next year according to a pretty sheet of paper. I have no idea of what I want and whether or not I'm capable of sustaining myself.

Sometimes I don't realize I still have some last vestiges of seeing the world through rose tinted glasses so when they're shattered I'm totally discouraged.

But I also need to realize without these little bits of hope I'd become a miserable old curmudgeon. <---- EPIC WORD!!!

That's it for now.

xoxox, Jenn♥

Jennifer's very own BUCKET LIST!

In light of recent events I've realized life is very fleeting and anyone can go at anytime. And while this is very terrifying to think about this is all the more reason to live life to the fullest extent and not sit on your ass and bitch about how life sucks.

So here's my list:

• See one of my favorite bands in concert
• Do marching band in college
• Travel the US
• Become a band director
• Learn how to shoot a gun/cross bow
• Do a zombie walk
• Partake in the Running of the Bulls
• Make a YouTube video
• Get into my first choice college
• Fall in love
• Speak another language fluently
• Have a penpal
• Become an environmental scientist
• See a show on Broadway
• Be an extra in a movie
• Invent something
• Learn how to knit/crochet
• Cook/bake something from scratch out of a cookbook
• Learn to play bass guitar
• Become a psychologist
• Have someone I know (or used to know) become famous
• Meet one of my favorite bands
• Have 5000 songs on my iPod
• Go camping
• Have a road trip
• Learn computer programming
• Learn to play the drums
• Play Guitar Hero on expert
• Sneak on to the roof of a public building
• Travel the world
• Go to Warped Tour
• Join a band
• Partake in the Tomatina
• Be in a orchestra for a movie score
• Write a book
• Go to space (Or float like I'm in space)
  

That's in for now. I'll add more later.
And eventually cross some off.

Stolen from Alyssa.
RIP Johny Mejias

XoxoX, Jenn♥

Musings

These are just a small portion of the stuff I think about so yeah...
Here we go:

Because I have no epic scars (except from this one scar I have on my knee) I feel like I haven't led a exciting life or that my childhood was terribly boring. I wish I did more as a kid because I don't really have the chance to do it now. I now have 2 cuts on my hand from my rabbit and I'm really hoping they scar so I'll have a story to tell.
(Of course I don't mean self inflicted scars; that shit ain't cool.)

Sometimes I worry that all my friends hate me and that they only just barely tolerate my existence.

I plan to give all my children these badass epic names but I worry that they'll hate them and that they'll get made fun of by someone's douchebag children. Right now I'm really feeling Adelaide (for a girl) and Yves (for a boy). Shut the fuck up, I'll name my kids whatever name I feel like.

I feel so proud of myself when I do my homework right after school. It's like I can just feel my grades rising. I'm pretty much a hardcore nerd, I just don't have the grades to back it up.

I don't think I'm very nice person and I don't really know how to go about changing that. I wish I was nicer and more loving to the people close to me. I don't want to push them all away. I should really stop taking them for granted.

I feel like I'm corrupting someone when I cuss around someone who doesn't. I don't want them to think less of me for it. But then again if they do then that's rather condescending, don't you think?

That's all for now.

XoxoX, Jenn♥

In which Jennifer gets her shit together.

So I'm blogging again. Yay!

I've been feeling really hopeful lately and I don't know why but I like it.
It's a nice change from constant self inflicted cynicism & pessimism.

It makes me want to be nice to people and do random acts of kindness.
It's weird because nothing in my life has really changed.

I guess my outlook on life has just changed is all.
My personality hasn't really changed though, it's more like I'm just taking everything in stride now.

Like there's no need to sit here and freak out and be sad & regret stupid things because the world waits for no one. I'll never know when I'm going to die so why waste the time I do have?

Especially the time I have as a teenager. It's supposed to be one of the most memorable times of my life. I should be out doing things now because I may never have the opportunity to do it later. I need to start making the most of things NOW.

Everything happens for reason they say...
And I plan to start taking advantage of it now.

XoxoX, Jenn♥

[P.S. I have a new crush guys... XD And he's so weird but I like it. XP]

I'm not dead.

I've just been slacking on the whole blog front.

So here's a quick one for the people who still read this blog:

Me and Josh are no more as of January 13th 2009.
My grades are sucking majorly.
I wish I didn't do the pit orchestra for Music Man.
I'm kinda on a boy hiatus as of right now; particularly the freshmen.
I feel like my life is disorganized right now, henceforth the sucky grades & the boy hiatus.
Why the fuck is everyone moving in February?

This blog was lame.
I'm losing my touch.

XoxoX, Jenn♥

Fuck music, I've got a real boyfriend!

That's right.
I have this awesome guy named Joshua Caleb Vigorito as my boyfriend.

So this is how it went down:
Last Friday, various friends and I were chilling in the band room during lunch talking about going to the movies when Dylan, Katie's boyfriend, is like 'You should go out with Josh' and I'm totally shocked cuz I had liked him for like 3 weeks and hadn't told a soul.

So Monday, I decide to tell Katie and she's all pissed cuz I did waited 3 weeks to tell her. Lol. She tells Dylan and apparently Dylan has a big mouth cuz next thing I know I'm going to ask him out.

*Cue nervousness and freaking out*

So I come to school on Tuesday dressed up all nice & panicking and everyone is like 'Did you ask him yet?' and I'm like '...Nooooo'. I honestly didn't feel like asking anyone anything at the moment and I pretty much wanted to go home and die from embarrasment & nervousness.

[It was kinda funny cuz when I was walking to band class he was coming from *insert4thperiodclasshere* and I was like 'Oh shit!!!' and made a beeline for the band room. I literally did a 90 degree angle turn from the path I had been walking. Lol.]

Then lunch rolls around and there's egg rolls; the school's egg rolls are epic. So I'm sitting and the lunch table in the cafeteria with Beth, Chelsea and other assorted people, enjoying my egg roll when Katie, Dylan, Aubry [Josh's older sister], and Kendal swarm out of nowhere.

It was really scary, there were like sharks circling a bleeding seal.
Sharks eat seals, right? Or is it otters?

Katie drags me out of the booth spilling my food everywhere and tries to tow me all the way back to the band room. I manage to escape and go to use the bathroom. She drags me out like the very second I'm done peeing.

So I walk into the band room and peek around the corner. No Josh. I breath a sigh of relief because I really don't want to ask him.

[I mean who the hell enjoys asking people out? Because for like 2 or 3 unholy seconds it's like you're teetering on the edge of a cliff and the only person who knows for sure what's going to happen to you is the person you're asking. Nobody likes to put themselves out there like that; vulnerable for attack.]

But I digress, it turned out that Josh was getting fitted for his concert tuxedo so I had to suffer and wait in the band room for like 5 minutes.

5 minutes in which I begin to pace relentlessly.

He's done getting fitted and I'm like 'OHHHHHHH SHIIITTTT!' and Dylan comes to hold me & Josh together and I can't make a quick getaway.

But then it's like:

Dylan: Josh, do you take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded girlfriend?
Josh: Yes
Dylan: Jennifer, do you take Josh to be your lawfully wedded boyfriend?
Me: Yes.
Dylan: I now pronouce you boyfriend and girlfriend.
*smiles all around*

So basically all that nervousness and bullshit was for NOTHING!!!
Lmao.

The bell rings, we hold hands and he walks me all the way to class. He was late.

The next day, more smiling, hand holding, and hugging. Everyone was awwing and shit. We kissed after band practice. Kendal and Megan missed it. They were pissed. That was my first kiss EVER! =D

Yesterday was the band concert. I met his dad, he met my mom. My parents did their parental thing and were like 'Blah blah blah, boyfriend, grades, you can always ask us anything, he's supposed to ask you, he's too young, etc.'

Today we kissed again. =]

This blog was ridiculously long.

12.16.08♥

XoxoX, Jenn♥

P.S. The title of this blog relates to another blog I posted, k.

Self pity isn't very pretty...

Especially in the case of having a bad family.

It's slowly becoming the norm for people to have broken/abusive/addict families. And while that's absolutely horrible and it's totally fucking up their kids, what bothers me the more is when these kids are like "Well my life is already horrible I'll just fuck up some more. It won't matter."

Like seriously, what the hell kind of thought process is this?
Just because your family is made of fail you're justified to make nothing of yourself?
Bullshit.

I don't give a damn whatever happens, you should never think like this.

In fact you should want to excel in life to prove your family and society wrong. So you can have the opportunity to be like "Bitch, look at me now! I've gone farther in life than you could ever dream of" and rub their faces in it. Or, at the very least, raise your future kids knowing you did a better job than they did.

But no, continue wallow in your self misery and go down the same path as your family. Become another statistic. Get pregnant and drop out of school while you're at it. Go ahead and sink down to their level because it's not like you were going to do anything worthwhile with your life anyways...

Are you?

XoxoX, Jenn♥

One reason to vote for Barack Obama.

I'll give you a hint; it's 2 words.

...He's black...JUST KIDDING!!!

No actually it's Sarah Palin. You know, John McCain's vice president.

I hate her with the burning passion of a thousand suns. I think she's ridiculously idiot and should have never been allowed anywhere near a governmental position. She should be locked in a closet and become the outcast in her family that everyone doesn't really acknowledge.

I really think John McCain is going to die in office. Come on now people.
The man is 78, was a prisoner of war and was tortured. It's really only a matter of time before his body gives out of him.

No, I'm not being ageist. The average lifespan for an American male is about 72. John McCain is overdue by 6. Maybe he has another 4 years into him but do you really want to take that chance? Do you really want to lay your life in the hands of that disgrace to anyone born with a vagina?

I sure as hell don't.
[But, you know, I can't vote. I have no say ;_;]

I FUCKING HATE THIS GODDAMN LADY!!!!!!!!!

She's set such a horrible precedent for any girl who ever want to become president. She's so stupid, ignorant, dumb, retarded, uneducated, *insert any other word for idiot here*. I can't even believe people are so willing to let another fucking dipshit into the Oval Office again.

Shit, I'd take Bush any day of the week before her.

If McCain gets elected & dies and this dumb bitch is president I will do one of two things:
1. Kill myself
2. Flee the country

Preferably the 2nd one.

...So what's with all the sucktastic female politicians lately?

XoxoX, Jenn♥

P. S. KATIE CROWE & DYLAN P-SOMETHING HAVE STARTED DATING TODAY AROUND 6:4SOMTHING AM!!!!!

THIS IS HER FIRST BOYFRIEND GUYS!!!!

Now everbody go "Awwwww."
"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww."
She probably so embarrassed now... >=] Lmao.

I'm terrified of mediocrity

I'm terrified that I'll grow up and lose all my optimism, imagination and determination to rise above all the rest.

That I'll settle for less and be okay with a mediocre life.

That I'll become a trophy housewife living in the middle of suburbia where the most exciting thing in my life is getting a stainless steel power juicer.

If the last one happens I'll probably run off with gorgeous Hispanic gardener named Raul to Argentina. My 4 kids will be devastated and will hate me for the rest of their life. I'll try to make it up to them but they'll refuse to even speak to me. Either that or I'll hang myself from the clothesline in our perfectly manicured backyard.

I refuse to be a Stepford wife.
I'd rather be alone my entire life.
I'll take the cramped apartment with 27 cats any day of the week.

I'll take my chances with living out my dreams.
At least if I fail I'll know I tried.

"So take a chance and make it big,
Cause it’s the last you’ll ever get."
--The Phrase That Pays by The Academy Is...

XoxoX, Jenn♥

Zomg!

I like boys.
I REALLY LIKE BOYS!
Like seriously, I could never be anything but straight.

I like being friends with boys.
I like talking to them.
I like when they have nice hair.
I like when they smell nice.
I like when they have some sense of style.
I like when they give me hugs.
I like when they're nice.
I like when they're funny.
I like when they're cute.
I like when they have nice bodies.
I like these V thingers that they have [sometimes].
I like when they're modest.
I like liking boys.
YAY for men!!!!!

However, I don't like penises. Or balls. Or vast amounts of body hair.
Those are gross. >_<

Wow, I sound like quite the vapid airhead here. Lol.

XoxoX, Jenn♥

Random things of note...

I am 5' 7" !!!

This really cool kid I know ISN'T moving away.

I'm taking my permit test next week.

Bad grades are bad.

I think I might have acid reflux.

I'm totally procrastinating from doing my homework.
Which is just like masturbation, it feels good while you're doing it.
Then you realize that you just fucked yourself.

I'm an undercover pervert. LOL

I have the magical ability to sleep 17 hours straight which I demonstrated on Friday.

If I don't get my grades up in 2 classes I'll be SOL for Bake Sale.

MMORPGs are the fucking devil.

This whole "Never-Had-A-Boyfriend" thing is more common that I thought.

I would have died, literally, had I gave blood on Friday.

I need to write my essay on my fear of zombies like right now.

XoxoX, Jenn♥

If music was my boyfriend...

Let's take this back to elementary school & just pretend for a moment.
Let's pretend music is a person; a guy around my age to be exact.
Let's say he's my boyfriend for the purpose of this blog.

So if music was my boyfriend:
-He'd always seem to know the right thing to say.
-He'd be moody from time to time.
-He'd have all the answers I'd ever need.
-He'd be the only one I'd want to hear after crappy day.
-He would understand me more than I do.
-He'd probably be a little crazy but it would suite him.
-He would be loved by everyone.
-He would have a twin brother named Lyrics.
-We'd be together nearly 24/7.

Hmm, that was oddly poetic of me.

xoxox, Jenn♥

Things I've realized about myself.

-I hate apologizing; I rarely ever do it.
-I hate admitting that I'm wrong.
-I'm stubborn.
-I keep my emotions hidden well.
-There's a 99.9% chance that I won't have sex in high school BY CHOICE.
-I hate disrespectful, rude, ignorant people.
-I hate when things aren't fair.
-I think seniority & elitism is bullshit.
-I know A LOT more about certain people then they would realize or want me to know.
-I have a really good family.
-I have absolutely no idea I want to come of my impending future. I just want to be happy.
-Apparently I'm really funny.
-Also, apparently I make lots of entertaining facial expressions.
-I've learned to not make plans based on people for my future.
-I may seem to be overly realistic or pessimistic but deep down I'm quite the optimist.
-I like IMing/texting/messaging/etc. because I can organize my thoughts better.
-But with talking I don't seem to able to always get my point across.
-I love to read.
-I'm a dork & I'll never be cool but I'm okay with that.
-I'm vain about 2 things only: this blog & my taste in music.
-I LOVE music. <--- This sentence can never fully describe how I feel about music.
-Sometimes, I truly believe I'm going to be that old lady with 27 cats.
-I'll kill myself when I hit 66.
-I refuse to get old, rickety, incontinent. Fuck old age.
-I reeeaaalllly want to learn how to play bass.

xoxox, Jenn♥